Tony Clement, Canada’s Minister of Industry, issued a statement yesterday about a CRTC decision that will allow the major broadband ISPs to introduce metered Internet usage – something that could line the pockets of the ISPs but damage innovation and new online services in the process.

In the spirit of the glass always being half-full, I have taken the liberty of translating Mr. Clement’s statement with an optimistic spin.

Clement: On Tuesday, January 25, 2011, the CRTC announced its decision to allow wholesale and retail internet service providers to charge customers for exceeding the monthly usage of data transfer permitted with their broadband Internet package. This will mean, for the first time, that many smaller and regional internet service providers will be required to move to a system of usage-based billing for their customers.

Translation: Darn, darn, double darn. The CRTC has made another dumb decision. When will those telecom/nerd bureaucrats get something right. Last year, they almost destroyed our plans for more wireless competition by poking around the foreign ownership of Wind Mobile before I had finally step in and fix things. Now, they want to screw small ISPs just trying to make a buck offering good service and lots of bits and bites (which also happens to be one of my favorite snack foods).

Clement: I am aware that an appeal has been initiated by a market participant. As Canada’s Industry Minister, it is my job to help encourage an innovative and competitive marketplace, and to ensure Canadian consumers have real choices in the services they purchase. I can assure that, as with any ruling, this decision will be studied carefully to ensure that competition, innovation and consumers were all fairly considered.

Translation: The good news is the ISPs skewered by the CRTC have decided to appeal. This gives me time plenty of time to figure out a master plan to counter-attack the decision while the appeal works its way through the system. Then, I can save the day (again!) by proposing a solution that makes everyone look good, especially my party.

Clement: The Harper Government is committed to encouraging choice and competition in wireless and internet markets. Increased choice results in more competition, which means lower prices and better quality services for Canadians. We have always been clear on our policies in this regard and will continue on this path.

Translation: You know, we spent so much darn time getting more wireless competition that we completely forgot about the broadband oligopoly that exists. Our bad. You gotta believe encouraging more broadband competition would be a kick-ass part of a election platform ’cause it’s so voter-friendly. And, it will support that innovation/Web 3.0 thing-a-jig that everyone keeps blabbing on about.

Clement: Our Conservative Government is focussed on the economy and creating a positive environment for job creators and business to flourish. Canadians can count on us to do what is in the best interest of consumers.

Translation: Hey, Rogers, Telus, Shaw, Videotron, Bell and the other ISPs making a killing from broadband service, don’t worry too much. We’ll take care of you too ’cause, after all, we’re pro-business and we’ve got an election to win.

More: For anyone who wants to get involved in the fight about metered Internet usage, check out the Anti-UBB Web site.